Penn Purity Test

Insisted, “It’s an Ivy” or “It’s not Penn State”?

Worn Penn gear specifically to the airport?

Asked or been asked, “What school are you in?” before exchanging names?

Had a coffee chat in Stommons?

Stalked someone on LinkedIn immediately after meeting them?

Talked to the child of a Fortune 500 executive or been one?

Considered transferring into Wharton or another school?

Taken ECON 0100?

Taken MATH 1410?

Submitted an AI-generated assignment you had not read?

Lied about your GPA to other Penn students?

Taken a flyer on Locust and thrown it out less than a minute later?

Studied in Fisher because you wanted to seem smarter?

Complained about Commons while eating there?

Gotten food poisoning from a Penn dining hall?

Actually finished a meal plan? i

Gotten a food order from Mamadou? i

Had a mouse or roach in your room?

Walked around the Compass?

Stepped on the Compass and blamed a grade on it?

Participated in the ECON Scream?

Complained about the Spring Fling artist before the lineup was announced?

Attended a Penn sports game?

Thrown toast at Franklin Field?

Bitten someone’s Hey Day hat or had yours bitten?

Said, “I hate Penn,” and then defended Penn when someone else criticized it?

Been to at least five Chinatown restaurants?

Made a Wawa run after 3:00 a.m.?

Been yelled at, preached to, or drawn into an unsolicited conversation by a stranger on campus?

Participated in a protest on Locust?

Held hands with someone on Locust?

Been on a real date at Penn?

Argued with someone on Sidechat?

Accumulated more than 1,751 Sidechat karma?

Been to a BYO?

Been to a “downtown” party?

Rushed a frat/srat?

Gone out four or more nights in a single week?

Been to Sink or Swim at Smokes?

Gotten away with using a fake ID at Smokes?

Had a fake ID confiscated at Smokes?

Used tobacco, marijuana, or both at Penn?

Greened out at Penn?

Had a deep, existential conversation with a Penn security guard or employee after 3:00 a.m.?

Faked being sober for an RA or Penn Police?

Attended a Penn class, recitation, or lab while drunk or high?

Passed out in a communal bathroom?

Been MERTed?

Used psychedelics at Penn? i

Taken Xanax to come down after a party?

So tonight, let’s all be gay? i

Made the walk of shame and seen an ex on your way home?

Made out with a stranger at Smokes or a frat?

Sexiled a roommate or been sexiled by one?

Hooked up with someone through Sidechat?

Matched with, met, and hooked up with your Penn Marriage Pact match?

Hooked up with someone from Princeton during a Penn–Princeton game?

Hooked up with someone from Penn State? i

Engaged in sexual activity in a common room?

Been “buttoned”? i

Hooked up in a GSR you had booked?

Hooked up with someone within 24 hours of meeting them?

Masturbated with a roommate in the room?

Hooked up with someone while your roommate was asleep in the room?

Slept with a TA?

Hooked up with someone from all four undergraduate schools? i

Participated in something bigger than a threesome at Penn?

Slept with a professor?

?

Used hard drugs at Penn? i

Done a line of coke before class?

Sold drugs or acted as a middleman on campus?

Cheated on a midterm or final?

Skipped a full semester of lectures and only shown up for the final?

Stolen food or packages from a College House?

Stolen someone’s scooter?

Stolen something actually owned by Penn?

Straight-up vandalized something on campus?

Been ad-boarded, placed on probation, or suspended?

Ran from Penn Police or Philly PD?

Been handcuffed, detained, or arrested at Penn?

Spent an entire night inside an academic building after it had closed?

Snuck onto a roof or fire escape?

Gotten into the tunnels under campus?

Used the tunnel system to enter a different Penn building?

Caused a building or College House to be evacuated?

Been “baptized”? i

Jumped into the Schuylkill?

Ran a “Liberty Bell Lap”? i

Reversed the Compass curse? i

Pissed on Ben? i

Done more than piss on Ben? i

Streaked Franklin Field?

Started a campus-wide rumor that made it into The DP?

Explored the entirety of the tunnels?

Made or worshipped a shrine in the tunnels?

Achieved “38th Parallel” status? i

Evaded Penn Police by ducking into a tunnel? i

Done the “kite and key experiment”? i

Joined the Junto? i